The Best And Worst Bars And Restaurants To Have Sex In

Today, the Post has a “trend” story about how people are suddenly getting their freak on in restaurants all over the city. Under-the-table footjobs, men’s room makeouts, and kitchen coitus are apparently happening all around you, although we could have sworn that this sort of behavior’s been going on…pretty much since the invention of restaurants. So in the name of science, we bravely conducted an extremely scientific office poll of the best and worst bars and restaurants to play hide the salami.

The best:

  • “Forget bathrooms, I’ve SEEN people fornicate at Le Bain‬. Downstairs in the hot tub, yessir. If they weren’t f*&king, they were rubbing their naked genitals together.”
  • The Woods (“many sex-friendly bathroom stalls, plus a taco truck!”)
  • ‪151 Bar—”dark enough to have sex in the corner‬, cheap enough to forget it the next day.”
  • ‪The “somewhat secret and secluded bathrooms” on the ground floor of Brooklyn Bowl, past Blue Ribbon and under the stairs. (“I bet one could get away with some hot pin action in there.‬”)
  • Union Pool: “Single occupancy bathrooms‬ with the faint residue of drugs to lower inhibitions further.”
  • Hotel Chantelle: “The bathrooms are right by the exit.”
  • Blockheads: “Margarita happy hour. Nothing matters after that!”
  • “All of them? Depending on alcohol intake.”
  • “Pianos is awful, but good to have sex in because there’s tons of free condoms and subterranean bathrooms and you don’t want to be at the bar anyway‬.”
  • Beauty & Essex: “Free champagne in the ladies room!”
  • Also? “Any gay bar.”

The worst:

  • Lit Lounge, especially now that Mars Bar is gone: “So many diseases.”
  • “Kenmare and XIX/ other snooty clubs because they have ‘bathroom minders’ chaperoning guests.”
  • McSorely’s: “Sawdust all up in your…ahem.”
  • Superfine “Due to lack of bathroom doors 🙁 “
  • Dempsey’s: “My roommate did in there and took a Polaroid of it, so that’s bad.”
  • Dallas BBQ: “No bathroom nookie is enough to make up for the fact that you’re drunk at Dallas BBQ.”